The Power of Thought
I know, a strange feature photo for a blog titled CT results but all becomes clear, as chosen for very good reason….
Firstly, I left you waiting for a CT Scan to check my mutated unwelcome body invader hadn’t travelled further afield than my breast and lymph nodes. Believe me a fortnight waiting to hear if your time’s up and you’re out of here before reaching 50 is truly horrible! I’ve been so tense my shoulders were residing at ear level, resulting in back pain, resulting in absolute certainty I had lung cancer! Seriously I’d convinced myself I was completely riddled, my chest hurt and was even coughing. I confided this to my lovely and brilliant reiki friend Suzanne, who had a strong word with me and invited me to choose an angel card – out of a large pack of cards I picked one titled “I am Creator” and below is the written definition of the card, the meaning and message I was to have….
How flipping freaky is that!!! I was absolutely CREATING my own misery by putting persistent energy into thinking negatively and convincing myself I had pains…. I CREATED them!! Amazing how something as a simple as message on a card can alter your mindset and outlook, I was extremely grateful for that message that day, it gave me a royal boot up the jacksy – I still found myself having negative thoughts but tried to squash and replace them with positive ones as they popped up.
CT Scan Day Arrives – Finally
Anyhoo… Scan day finally arrives. Teear kept me company whilst I sat in the hospital waiting room and drank a litre of some sort of metallic contrast dye drink, which tasted a little like Pernod & orange, not too nasty just a lot of it (although others were gagging, maybe my taste buds are a little off!)- helps show up your organs on the x-ray. Quick change into a rather fetching gown (Teear took the photo – failing to notice or warn me my hair was a right mess!!) I was intravenously hooked up to yet more contrast dye and in the donut shaped scanner I go. It takes minutes and you’re out again, no indication if they’re normal just have to wait it out for the CT results AGAIN… All this waiting, tick tock, tick tock… time does not fly!
I received the call the next day with an appointment to attend the clinic for the CT results on the following Monday, first thought “that’s quick, maybe they’ve found something”…. STOP creating!! I can’t tell you how nervous I was that Monday morning sitting in that waiting room. Those pains returned and my shoulders were once again around my ears, no amount of reasoning could halt the stream of impending doom that was rattling around my head! My name’s called, here we go… Mr Harrisha walks in, I’m feeling dizzy and squeezing a crystal in my right hand and a little silver fairy given to me by Diane in my left, I hear the words “Your scan’s normal”… Thank FUCK, I’m not going to definitely die quite yet!!!
Just to illustrate the point you manifest your own thoughts…. Those pains lifted the moment I had that news and not had a twinge since! The mind is mighty powerful, my inspirational friend Gail is a big fan of ‘The Secret’ and works law of attraction successfully, the premise is basically you attraction more of what you put energy into thinking about, good, bad, wanted or not – be careful what you wish for people! Teear calls it my mumbo, I call it the universe listening and delivering!
Right, off the mumbo and back to science based next steps…. Based on my normal CT results I had a couple of options: Surgery and then chemo (favoured by the surgeon) or chemo and then surgery (favoured by the oncologist – thinking being the tumour will shrink ahead of surgery) then finally radiotherapy. I elected to go for surgery straight off – reason being I simply wanted it out of my body! So, Monday I’m in for a WLE (wide local excision) which is a lump removal and underarm lymph node clearance (they’re also affected). Apparently I don’t need a mastectomy, but that’s something I’ll revisit when I’m healed and finished treatment. Having been here once before I’m on familiar territory, I’ll have a rather fetching drain attached to my armpit to drain off the lymphatic juices (nice!) and this time I WILL do my arm exercises (last time it seized up and a lovely Physio friend Tracie had to work on it for half a day to get it straight again!)
That’s where I am, it’s Saturday and I’m preparing the house, cleaning, washing and stocking up with food ahead of being wonky for a while. And absolutely determined to remain POSITIVE throughout… I am CREATOR!
Love Lucy xx